Pinned toot

ME: what? the land of the rising sun? no, i said we were going to the land of the WRITHING sun.

YOU: [looks out the window of the airplane to witness the unfolding of reality; like creation unburdened by law, it is almost as if in its infinite disorder you can witness the relief of a world unshackled from petty rules, of creation relieved of all that would hold it back, and indeed, the sun writhes uncomfortably dimly in the sky]

YOU: aw man i wanted to see tokyo

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what if our natural inclination to scream when incurring grievous injuries is because screams have healing properties? has anyone tried to scream onto their own wound until it heals? try it!

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Popular animal "horses" is a actually a hoxe. It was developed by . in 1995

There is onl one specimen of horse, which manifests everywhere. There is only one horse. There is only

one horse, when you can see it. actually move back and forth in space to trick our eyes into believing th
ere are multiple h

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Who let the dogs out?

Me. I did it. I'm seeking asylum in Russia right now because the United States government had been keeping the dogs under lock and key for far too long.

The public wants dogs, needs dogs, DESERVES dogs, and the United States government was preventing YOUR access to dogs. I was the one who let the dogs out, all those years ago, and such is the US' fervent hatred of my fight for freedom that only now do I feel safe finally taking credit for what I did.

So now you know.

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My name is Sleve McDichael, and I am going to make my final home run.

I step out into a cornfield, lit by the stars, in full baseball regalia. I wind up my bat, determined gaze trained on the sky.

Thousands watch with bated breath, as the light streaks towards my position. I tighten my grip, and shut my eyes, and take the only swing I get.

With a loud crack, the meteorite is sent back, and I meet my end in a shower of burning splinters and molten rock... a hero, and a legendary baseball man.

ME: Hello mister youtube i would like to a music

YOUTUBE: Okay. Music

ME: Yes. Please a song I have not heard. variety

YOUTUBE: SIAMร‰S "Mr. FEAR" [Official Animated Music Video]


they should call people who are force sensitive in star wars โ€œforcekinโ€

i haven't been tooting fucking anything and the first actual joke i make when i come back is a star wars foreskin joke

they should call people who are force sensitive in star wars โ€œforcekinโ€

i literally thought ariana grande was black until very recently so yeah anyone defending it as โ€œjust a tanโ€ is dumb as hell

@nuttgodd exhuming my toots like some kind of toot archaeologist. you threaten to awaken some otherworldly force, a seal yet unbroken, fractured just so by the crack of your chisel into the thick loam built around my tomb. still, i appreciate your efforts

ME: [slaps my knees and stands up] Aahhh, welp! Time to hit the ol' dusty trail, I think.

ME: [stands in place, perfectly still for 8 hours]

wtf is going on why are a bunch of super old posts suddenly getting a ton of attention ... it's nice to know even though i never post anymore y'all still appreciate my toots

Sex is the business of savages and idiots. I, the intellectual MENSA man that I am, prefer to have an exchange of ideas and thoughts, a sort of "mental sex" if you will, where I overlook your points and mostly ignore you while making you listen to me for my pleasure, much like I would if we were to have sex

hey guys! juts want yoy to know that my body will be going completely wireless within now

[crumples into a pile of flaccid, useless flesh]

i know it's insufferable for people to specifically exalt less known music, but on the other hand, it's interesting to learn about it too!

reply to this post with some of ur favorite obscure bands. like "almost always under 75-50,000 views on youtube" is probably a good criteria.

i'll start with Radiation City, Second Person, Tired Tape Machine, Sons of Perdition, & The Real Tuesday Weld

like buddy i get it... racism bad... but do you know how many fuckin black people are staying on property why the fuck would i lie in order to be able to turn you, specifically, away from my motel 6 that is nonsense

i honest to god don't know if he was joking or not, i assumed he was at the time hence why i laughed but no part of his facial expression in the split second i could see it after he said that and started walking out communicated that it was a joke

i was working at motel 6 tonight and we had literally no clean rooms available and some dude comes in and asks for a room and i tell him we're all booked up and he says "Bet you'd have a room if I was white," and i laugh awkwardly but he does not laugh and walks out

that was probably the worst interaction i've had at this job so far besides the time some dude screamed at me over the phone because he didn't like our rates

i'm trying to remember a song i heard a while ago but all i can remember is the album art, which is like a beige drawing of some long fuzzy creature

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Glyph's Oubliette

This is the place we all sent Glyph.